Poems & Stories

Everyone tells stories all the time – to other people about our day, an experience, our future plans etc. and to ourselves about what just happened, how we should have acted, what they meant when they said that, how brilliant or incompetent we are etc. That’s all they really are, stories. Everyone has their own version, their own values, their own truth. Our brain is actually wired to remember stories rather than facts. This is great news – once we become aware of this we get to consciously choose our own. We can write our own story every day.  

Realising you hold the pen to how you experience life is empowering. Sally loves to use creative writing as a means of processing and often shifting her own thoughts or feelings. While her poems come from a very personal place and it is vulnerable for her to share them here, she realises (through experience and feedback) that they authentically and effectively offer new awareness, resonance or shared experience for other people.  So here we go….

Deep breath in and deep breath out…
What else must I do without?
Air flows in and travels down…
How can I release this frown?
Follow flow of breath inside…
We all need a place to hide!
Oxygen flows where it needs to go…
When will this end? How can I know?
Breath feeds the system, then it releases…
The world as I know it is falling to pieces!
Out breath of air finds its usual way…
The fear and anxiety increase more each day!
Releasing what’s not going to serve the whole…
I can’t stop these feelings, it’s out of control!

Deep breath in and deep breath out…
Whatever mind and thoughts may shout:
Come back to the breathing happening still –
Your senses can help the mind with this drill.

Breathe in, breathe out, stay present with me.
Use your eyes to notice things that you see:
What is around and beside you right now?
Changing the focus will start to allow
You to see what is real, enjoy what it brings,
Familiar and safe, your home and your things.
Or connect with the natural world with your eyes
As you breathe and let go of the thoughts that arise.
The plants are still growing, they know how to be.
The rivers still flow and the wildlife roams free.
The sky ever-changing – black, red, white, blue.
Let their natural energy flow right into you.

Use your nose and your smell sense to keep yourself here,
As here in this moment, there is nothing to fear.
Be aware of your voice and the things that you say –
What you hear and share has a great deal of sway
On the things that you think and thus that you feel.
We tell stories of fear that may never be real.
We imagine ourselves in a terrible plight
And our minds can create a freeze, fight or flight.
The fear and anxiety are helpful in part
To notice precautions we needed to start,
Yet when they take over, they spiral and spin
And we can lose sight of our own strength within.

“I am safe in this moment. My body is here.
My feelings pass through me. I’m handling fear.
Emotions will come – they always subside.
I can stay with my breath and follow this ride.
I am here in my body, it’s housing me well,
And this is the story I’m going to tell
When my thoughts take a spiral or body feels fear
Come back to this moment and process it here.”

Touch something solid, like feet on the floor
This sense is important for feeling secure.
Your physical body is present right now –
Allow it to show your mind and thoughts how
To stay in the moment: breathe in and out,
Connect with the truth and not with the doubt.
The clothes on your skin, the beat of your heart,
Your internal systems each playing their part.
Scan down your whole body, note what you feel.
All these sensations are physically real.

It’s amazing the impact it has on our fear
If we give some attention to what is right here.
These things are all true without any doubt,
As we stay in this moment and breathe in and out.

“I am breathing, my heart beats, I’m feeling the ground.
My senses are showing what’s really around.
No action to take in this moment – and so
It’s safe to relax and allow peace to flow.”

We can use, in each moment, our body and senses
To chart our way through emotional fences,
And not to get stuck or go down rabbit holes
With our stories of danger or unfulfilled goals.

We are wiser and stronger than each of us knows,
And energy flows where intention goes,
So using your power come back to the now
And start using your senses to show you how.
We are here in this moment, we will find our way;
With the small things we find we’ll brighten each day;
With our values, priorities all re-assessed;
With the reasons we’re thankful and how we are blessed;
New ways to connect, understanding of more;
The natural world breathing, much stuff to explore;
We are all here together exploring anew
What we mean to each other, and pulling us through
This new rollercoaster – hold on for the ride!
And know that you have what you need inside.

Your senses are present, your body is wise.
Your mind can create more fear in disguise.
So remember that you are not just your mind
And your body, soul, spirit are where you will find
More resources and strength to carry you tall.
Being powerfully present, you can handle it all.

Feeling confused, turbulent deep
Waking with memories from troubled sleep
Just a slight sense, a background program
That on top of my game is not how I am.
Is it a problem? This tension inside,
That under the water, some feelings may hide?
My surface is smooth, a smile paves my way
I can carry on doing the jobs in my day.
Yet what is this twinge, this sense of unease,
This ripple of feeling that comes on the breeze?
I’m sure I don’t know, my mind isn’t there.
It’s still in my body and not yet laid bare.
I don’t have the words to explain what it is
I just know I’m missing my glow and my fizz.
It feels like a current, a wave in the sea
Or maybe a hole aching somewhere in me.
A physical sensation, a rawness of gut
Yet my body is helping me out of the rut –
I’m not staying stuck in avoidance or doubt
I listen to whatever my body may shout.
Yet still there’s temptation to judge it as wrong
To solve it, to fix it, to prove that I’m strong.
While I know that my strength is more validly shown
By allowing these feelings a voice of their own
It’s very uncomfortable sitting in this
And trusting the hole is not an abyss.
Yet this is my truth for now, in this day
As usual I need to get out my own way
No solving or thinking, I just will allow
Sensations to be there, no ‘why’ or no ‘how’.
I’m sending them love and giving them space
With breathing reflection, they may show their face.
I trust in the process, I don’t have to know.
Just experiencing this is helping me grow.
Without my resistance they’ll find their way through –
So there really is nothing here I have to do.

What am I resisting? I don’t even know.
The Wall comes up so fast that the feelings cannot show.
I just can’t seem to do it, it feels like there’s a block.
It’s something that I want to do but somehow I hit rock.
Automatic reflex, perfect self-defence.
The trouble is that I suspect the learning is immense
If I explore resistance and see what hides behind,
Who knows what growth and healing, what power I may find?
The thing is: Do I want to? Do I want to know?
Feeling through resistance is a scary place to go.
It offers self-protection, numbness and escape
A Wall between my Mind and ‘bad’ feelings that take shape.
The things that were too painful for my conscious Mind to bear
Have found a place to shelter with the Wall I built in there.
So if I let them out or let some small part sneak through,
Well that feels just like danger and a risky thing to do.

Now my Mind takes over, tells off the naughty Wall:
“You should not be here now you know, I am standing tall.
I’ve done my growth and healing. I do not need you now.
You’re getting in the way of life and this I can’t allow.
I must move past this block, I will smash you into pieces.
I’ll face head on the things you hide, whatever this releases.”

And so I go to war on the Wall of my resistance
Inner battle waged with strength and true persistence.
I do not want this Wall it is getting in the way,
So I must attack it bravely – it does not get its say.
I try to fight with words, think my Mind can break the Wall;
I try to tell my Body it’s not helping me at all;
I use all my best logic, my reason, common sense
To tell myself my Mind knows best, I need not be so tense.
And yet I feel resistance. Although it doesn’t fit
With the story my Mind tells me – behind the Wall I sit.

So fighting didn’t work, now perhaps I’ll just ignore
The Wall and all resistance, pretend it’s not so raw.
My Mind can block it out, not allow the pain to show.
Everything will work ok, no-one has to know.
Smile and keep on moving, everything is ‘fine’.
Yet somehow deep within, everything has lost its shine.
The feelings I don’t want to feel are safely tucked away
But the Wall is also hiding those ones I want to stay:
The light, the play, the joy, the feeling of release
Are trapped behind resistance, the Wall that blocks my peace.

I’ve read great books and listened to true guides along the way
And resistance guidance they all give is: “Let it have its say.
Allow the Wall to be, it has protected you from harm.
Relax and settle down with it, for then it will disarm.”
I don’t want that to be true, what may lurk behind my Wall?
I don’t want to get to know it, rather smash and burn it all.
Yet the battle cry against it causes more defence to rise.
The Mind goes into overdrive, controls every surprise.
This state leads to exhaustion and to numbing much of life.
Ironically it causes even greater pain and strife.

Right here I face my learning edge, how brave am I to feel
My way into resistance and whatever it may reveal?

Awareness is the agent for my change, so take a pause;
Give my Body back its voice, to speak its natural laws?
The simple act of noticing creates a space for Self
So the Ego can’t take over with its subtle acts of stealth.
Root myself into the Earth, feel all my sensations,
Changing nothing, notice all, let go of expectations.
My safety harness for this process: “This too will pass.”
It’s just a feeling, let it rise and fall back to the grass.

And so I let my Mind release and focus deep inside,
Allow attention to be drawn to where the Wall may hide.
For me, resistance rises from the solar plexus part
A tight, choking suppression and a numbness in my heart
Dull, resistant throbbing, nauseous butterflies
Restriction in my throat and a blankness in my eyes.
I guess it’s fight or flight and often feels like freeze
My Body wants to back away, afraid of what it sees…

What does it see? That is the thing I’m curious to explore
I want to get to know it, to learn, to find out more.
I sit with the sensation (this is me being brave
And perhaps a few times I may run and hide back in my cave.
The cave is thoughts I hide behind. I just can be aware
And say ok, I understand, I’m practising self-care –
Be gentle with my Mind, just bring focus back inside
Expand again sensations that have always been denied).
Of course my Mind may fight it, try to keep all in control
To keep me safe it built the Wall, safety was its goal.
So I can say with love “Mind, I thank you, it’s ok,
I am going to explore this Wall a little bit today.
I understand it’s scary, vulnerability at core,
Let’s take a breath together and let Body go explore.”

The questions I explore are the look and feel of this:
What is going on inside me? Nothing is amiss,
It’s just some new sensations, ones I haven’t given air.
They are a part of me inside, they are quite often there.
I greet them, they are welcome, they have some stuff for me
To learn and know – if I can bravely take a breath and see
Colour, shape, feel and place. Curiosity, my friend,
Is helping me to know my Wall, not trying to make it bend.
Explore it all and let it be exactly as it will
Perspective changes, moving, as I climb resistance hill.
Tears well up inside Body; I choose to let them flow
To wash away resistance, allow deep Me to show.
What a great release to feel each and every part of me,
To allow whatever dwells inside to show itself, be free.

Ride the wave of grief for the gift taken away
Of Body senses feeling free, allowed to have their say.
I can feel the resistance, that’s an ok thing to do
It’s helpful message telling me that something’s coming through.
I do not have to know what it is or what it means,
I trust that it will guide me through unfolding of it scenes,
Have faith in my Body to know when it has passed
Enough to find release, not too much and not too fast.
A painful healing, to be sure, I don’t enjoy the grief;
Yet it feels so much lighter now – essential deep relief.

And where is the resistance now? What does that feel like?
Curiously it’s faded down, not waiting there to strike.
How can it be that just by curiosity doing its work
The Wall no longer terrifies, no longer seem seems to lurk?
Nothing scary happened when I shone the light inside.
The darkness I expected dissolved at my brave stride.
The feelings dissipated, vulnerability left exposed
And it feels like I can handle any question that was posed.

Some stuff came up as Truths, bubbled through into my head
Coming not from conscious Mind but from deep within instead.
Some memories or some wisdom or simply some release
Came through when all I did was let my Wall sit there in peace.
How strange a concept is it that the power resistance wields
Works only when resisted, running from the Truth it shields?!
When I let myself sit with it, accept and note it’s there,
Explore with curiosity (not demanding needy stare),
When I’m gentle with myself, permit Body feel to show –
Well then I feel resistance move and even start to go!

So what is the learning that resistance has to teach?
That the places deep inside that feel vulnerable to reach
Are not the scary monsters that will cause a self-destruct
Or an unstoppable blackness where my life-force will be sucked
But in fact merely a message, a noteworthy sign
That there is something going on that doesn’t feel ‘fine’.
And if I pretend it does, slap the smile on positive face
Then I’m building up the Wall, even picking up the pace.
For I’m not being authentic, denying Truth in me
And that will mean I never can feel entirely free.
Freedom is acceptance, of me both ‘good’ and ‘bad’,
The feelings in my Body labeled happiness or sad,
When all can co-exist without judgement of the Mind
Well then my Body, heart and soul are freely intertwined.

So when I feel resistance, I know to stop and see
In my Body (not my Mind chatter) what it’s telling me.
It may be from the past, not related to right now –
Knowing where it comes from helps me know what to allow.
It may be inner critic voice or limiting self belief,
In that case I can nurture it, stop them from being chief.
It may be something new and a vulnerable step required,
So I can help myself be brave, push through to what’s desired.
It may just be a feeling that’s been buried for so long
That all it needs is airing and resistance feels less strong.
Mind won’t help me here as it’s trying to control –
It created a Wall to keep me safe and buried deep my soul.
It didn’t mean to do it, it didn’t mean me harm,
But it means that it’s not the tool for Wall’s disarm.

It truly is incredible, I know hard to believe
That the tiny little secret for resistance to relieve
Is to put my focus on it, bravely turn and shine the light
(Not to run away forever, not to stand and take up fight)
Gently breathe into my Body, find the place the tension sits
Let my Mind place full attention on the place awareness hits.
When it wanders, bring it back, notice thoughts and let them go
My only purpose here is to let Body sensation grow
Not to judge or to examine, but to feel in purest form
Give it space and light and love, allow Body to perform.
It knows just what to do, if I believe it can be real:
The Body is wiser than we know, evolved enough to heal.
The Mind does have its place, it’s a wise and powerful sage
(As long as it agrees to not keep Body in a cage)
So I will feel my feelings and trust intuition’s guide
And gradually the Wall and my resistance do subside.

There is a guide for communication
Which can help teach each generation:

True: Can I put all my facts to the test?
Helpful: Is my intent for the best?
Inspiring: Will it help others to grow?
Necessary: Do they need to know?
Kind: How will my words be received?

Sensitive: What do they actually need?

Using THINKS for all interaction
Creates a positive force of attraction.
All of us can feel strong self-worth
And raise the collective vibration of earth.

Walk with me and you will see
What it feels like to just Be.
We are one, connected all.
Let me help you climb your wall
Keeping you from your true herd,
Thinking brain and spoken word.
Feel my breath upon your hand;
Hear my drumming hooves on sand;
Warm, soft neck and listening ear;
Connect to joy, release the fear.
Together we will find our stride,
Breathing deeply side by side.
Move as one; true connection.
See yourself in my reflection.
I see you, brave and free.
I feel who you want to be.
Trust me friend and I can show
Things you never knew you know.
Feel your senses, breathe your way;
Nature does what words can’t say.
So walk with me and you will see
What it feels like to just Be.

Love with no conditions. Is there such a thing?
To truly love another, with no attached string?
Often it is mentioned as something to aspire
And obviously it’s something that we really do desire.
I’m looking in the eyes of my little brown dog –
Maybe I am wrong but in there I see no fog.
Simple, pure connection. She loves no matter what.
I feel her joy and play and love, she does these all a lot!
There is no limitation, her well never runs dry.
She loves me when I’m happy; she loves me when I cry.
If I forget to feed her or I don’t have time to play,
She still is pleased to see me and her eyes just to seem to say:
“You are my special human, we are both in this together.
I love you unconditionally and will do so forever.”
And so it’s my conclusion that animals can teach
Us human folk to find and feel the places hard to reach.
They mastered unconditional love with nothing in the way
And now they’re living by our sides to show us every day.
We all have the potential to allow ourselves to feel –
We just need to believe unconditional love is real.

Breathe into my heart, feel my soul
Joy dances up like a newborn foal
Unsteady feet, held in your arm
Creating a shelter, safe from harm
Strong and gentle, wise and kind
Sometimes I feel you read my mind
Partnership, trust and laughter fuel
Our galloping stride, where hearts can rule
Minds are steady, head to head
Feel our way, all Truths are said.
Senses filled and feelings free
We are ourselves with Us you see
Each feels Worthy, each Enough
Support no matter what the “stuff”.
Intertwined our souls traverse
Our star-lit path, our universe.

So often we live in our conditioned shell.
Hiding emotions so no one can tell
What we are feeling – it’s not safe to show.
Who will still like me, if they really know?
Scared to release it, scared to let go
Don’t want the messiest parts to show
As then I might die of shame or guilt
That people can see through the wall that I built,
Where all the emotions are hiding you see,
Emotions may show you the essence of me.

And what if that essence is not good enough?
What if I’m not made of the right stuff?
No one will love me. I will not survive.
I need true connection in order to thrive.
So here is the crux – if connection is true,
I can be truly authentic with you.
Imagine the place where I really give
Space inside for emotions to live!
Feel my feelings, learn to know
What more wisdom they can show.

By riding the wave that I know will subside
I’m enabling release to take place inside.
I feel so much lighter with nothing suppressed –
I’m me, being authentic, and thus at my best.

My thoughts are buzzing like a fly.
Can’t stop thinking, don’t know why.
High-pitched whining buzz at night…
Unsettling action out of sight.
Will it land and bite my skin?
Go up my nose or on my chin?
What if I swallow it by mistake?
Teasing my senses, inner earthquake.
And yet that fatal, sudden quiet
When suddenly there’s no thought riot.
The buzzing stops and silence falls –
What comes in now to fill the walls?
Perhaps I feel better: sensory peace?
I can finally feel a sense of release?
But no, what my thoughts now stumble upon
Is the nagging concern: “Where has it gone?”
What if it’s now really causing some harm?
I must take some action and think myself calm!
And yes here’s the buzzing, come back again.
The familiar fly thoughts, disturbing my zen.

So “action”: ok I will try to ignore
The buzzing and thoughting. It’s easy I’m sure.
I’ll just tell myself it is mind over matter.
I know I’ll control it, this naughty mind chatter.
Ignore it! Ignore it! Focus! Try harder!
Stuff those thought flies in the secret mind larder!
Those who have tried this will guess the outcome….
Intensification inside my ear-drum!
The harder I try to ignore or avoid,
The louder the buzzing – and now I’m annoyed!
Crossing a boundary, these pesky thought flies.
So innocently started, they wear a disguise
And creep through the window and up to my ear,
Then buzz really loudly so nothing is clear!
Mosquitoes of energy, waiting to flood
And take my attention and suck my blood.

Yet wait – what if I still do have a choice?
What if I listened to a different voice?
Surfing the urge to see this buzzing fly
Scan for a new thought in my mind sky.
I know there are plenty swirling in there –
Which one to follow, to take me somewhere?
I could choose the buzz of each nasty thought
(For me it’s a ‘should’, a ‘did not’ or an ‘ought’).
I could choose no buzzing and pretend it has gone –
And wait (without tools) for its next buzzing song.
I could just ignore it or try to control
The swoop of its wings, the feel of mind-roll.
Or else I can hold up my hand and say: “Woah!
I’ve had enough now and I’m not going to go
Down the hole with you. I’m choosing my way
And the buzzing you offer won’t serve me today.”
I’m resisting temptation to panic all night
About fly bites – instead I will turn on the light
And swat fly right there, it is stopped in its tracks.
I can find a new thought that will help me relax.
A different fly thought that is opening its wings
In my mind with more positive, nourishing things.
A beautiful fly, interesting to follow
With ideas and beliefs that I do want to swallow.

Now that I notice, there are plenty of flies
Flying around in my universe skies.
Some bring me worry, self-judgment or pain.
Some cleanse my mind like the bringing of rain.
Some help me play, make me laugh, don’t destroy.
Some light me up with passion and joy.
So now (when I can as I’m still really learning)
I’ll notice the fly to see if it’s yearning
To suck from my life, or help me to grow –
And follow the latter to find my life flow.

Waiting. The timing knows.
Listening. The knowledge flows.
Trusting. It’s meant to be.
Settling. The land holds me.
Wisdom in the quiet and calm
Power deep in nature’s balm
Ancients here as one with all
Quietness, stillness is their call
Feeling held, connected, true
Questions sit as answers brew
Wait and listen. Settle in.
Trust the timing of your kin.